Friday, November 16, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Sunday, October 28, 2007
LA Life
Hi everyone,
Sorry its been so long since my last post! Things have been beyond hectic since I moved to LA.
Let me begin by saying that I am writing this from Mode Studio, a showroom in the Fashion Mart in Los Angeles, where my line is currently on display for LA Market Week, Oct 26 - 30. When I first arrived here in LA, I was told that Market Week was the best way to get my collection in front of buyers. So I ran around getting extra samples made in different colors, looking for a showroom, preparing a set and all of my publicity materials. I was excited when I found out that Mode Studio, a showroom in the most "high-end" fashion building, had space to rent for Market Week. They are the only showroom that specializes in swimwear, carrying such big names as Vitamin A, Anika Brazil, and Salinas. Unfortunately, my name doesnt generate enough clout for them to consider picking me up full time, but it is a great opportunity nonetheless.
Let me rewind briefly to the beginning of this week, when I first began constructing my "set" for the show. With the help of T-Man, my Jewish ex-death-metal-rocker-turned-ebay-powerseller neighbor, I was able to construct a beautiful backdrop of light green vintage doors from the 1920s to showcase my samples. I was originally told by the showroom owner that my space would be 5.5 ft against the wall by 7.5 feet sticking out into the showroom. Then, after more than 48 hours of manual labor, sweat, and tears, we lug the set into the showroom only to the appalled glances of the sales girls who were used to seeing nothing but pink velvet furniture in their precious showroom. I felt like I was transported back to middle school, feeling so self-conscious and left out by the girls who didnt like what I had spent to long putting together. Things ultimately worked themselves out, and my set is a toned-down version of the original and, in my opinion, it looks great (pictures to come!)
Only problem is that, for reasons semi-unknown (undoubtedly influenced by the SoCal fires), Market week has been completely dead. Less than only 5-10 people are entering the showroom each day. So far I have a couple of leads but no commitments.
After this, there will be an OC/San Diego road trip to try to get my suits in front of other buyers in person. I have an "assistant" now, named Jenna, a grad student at UC Long Beach who is interested in getting into the fashion industry. She is amazing and we make a great team! Nick comes on Halloween day, the morning after the last day of Market, and I cannot believe how excited I am to see him. It has been two months! his visit will be a much-needed distraction from all of these superficial stresses of the fashion world.
I force myself to realize that, although it has differed from the original plan, this is still every bit as much of the vision quest as an ashram in india or a hammam in Morocco. I am jumping into the mix and its all I can do to keep swimming. Everyone said that fashion was a tough industry, but why did I think it didnt apply to me? Like the freshman 15, these types of stereotypes have much more truth to them than anyone cares to believe. I am motivated by stories of the current top-selling lines modest beginnings, and I know that any type of success in fashion as elsewhere must come with incredible dedication and perseverance. I wish I could take a step back from this and realize, as I speed down my street to print out color line sheets in time to arrive at the showroom when it opens at 8:45, that this is all part of the adventure - that I am living the life I had imagined for myself, and that I should just enjoy it!
This has been an incredible roller coaster ride, and I am coming down with a cold and bummed by low traffic and zero sales thus far in Market week. And I figured this would be as good an outlet as any to vent my frustrations! But please know that there is another side to the story. There have been incredible highs, potential magazine shoots, and even talks of celebrity boutiques.
I love you all and can't believe how much I miss you. Please email me with updates on your lives. I can't wait to hear from you!
Sorry its been so long since my last post! Things have been beyond hectic since I moved to LA.
Let me begin by saying that I am writing this from Mode Studio, a showroom in the Fashion Mart in Los Angeles, where my line is currently on display for LA Market Week, Oct 26 - 30. When I first arrived here in LA, I was told that Market Week was the best way to get my collection in front of buyers. So I ran around getting extra samples made in different colors, looking for a showroom, preparing a set and all of my publicity materials. I was excited when I found out that Mode Studio, a showroom in the most "high-end" fashion building, had space to rent for Market Week. They are the only showroom that specializes in swimwear, carrying such big names as Vitamin A, Anika Brazil, and Salinas. Unfortunately, my name doesnt generate enough clout for them to consider picking me up full time, but it is a great opportunity nonetheless.
Let me rewind briefly to the beginning of this week, when I first began constructing my "set" for the show. With the help of T-Man, my Jewish ex-death-metal-rocker-turned-ebay-powerseller neighbor, I was able to construct a beautiful backdrop of light green vintage doors from the 1920s to showcase my samples. I was originally told by the showroom owner that my space would be 5.5 ft against the wall by 7.5 feet sticking out into the showroom. Then, after more than 48 hours of manual labor, sweat, and tears, we lug the set into the showroom only to the appalled glances of the sales girls who were used to seeing nothing but pink velvet furniture in their precious showroom. I felt like I was transported back to middle school, feeling so self-conscious and left out by the girls who didnt like what I had spent to long putting together. Things ultimately worked themselves out, and my set is a toned-down version of the original and, in my opinion, it looks great (pictures to come!)
Only problem is that, for reasons semi-unknown (undoubtedly influenced by the SoCal fires), Market week has been completely dead. Less than only 5-10 people are entering the showroom each day. So far I have a couple of leads but no commitments.
After this, there will be an OC/San Diego road trip to try to get my suits in front of other buyers in person. I have an "assistant" now, named Jenna, a grad student at UC Long Beach who is interested in getting into the fashion industry. She is amazing and we make a great team! Nick comes on Halloween day, the morning after the last day of Market, and I cannot believe how excited I am to see him. It has been two months! his visit will be a much-needed distraction from all of these superficial stresses of the fashion world.
I force myself to realize that, although it has differed from the original plan, this is still every bit as much of the vision quest as an ashram in india or a hammam in Morocco. I am jumping into the mix and its all I can do to keep swimming. Everyone said that fashion was a tough industry, but why did I think it didnt apply to me? Like the freshman 15, these types of stereotypes have much more truth to them than anyone cares to believe. I am motivated by stories of the current top-selling lines modest beginnings, and I know that any type of success in fashion as elsewhere must come with incredible dedication and perseverance. I wish I could take a step back from this and realize, as I speed down my street to print out color line sheets in time to arrive at the showroom when it opens at 8:45, that this is all part of the adventure - that I am living the life I had imagined for myself, and that I should just enjoy it!
This has been an incredible roller coaster ride, and I am coming down with a cold and bummed by low traffic and zero sales thus far in Market week. And I figured this would be as good an outlet as any to vent my frustrations! But please know that there is another side to the story. There have been incredible highs, potential magazine shoots, and even talks of celebrity boutiques.
I love you all and can't believe how much I miss you. Please email me with updates on your lives. I can't wait to hear from you!
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Morocco Pics
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Important Poll
Is the itsy-bitsy teenie-weenie yellow polka dot bikini:
a) white with yellow polka dots? OR
b) yellow with white polka dots?
These are the quagmires of my new life. Please vote for your choice!
a) white with yellow polka dots? OR
b) yellow with white polka dots?
These are the quagmires of my new life. Please vote for your choice!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Update from Morocco
As I sit here writing this on the morning of my 9th day in Morocco, things have already turned out differently than expected. Great, but different. I'm not totally sure what I was looking for when I originally set out to come here, besides the desire to realize a dream I had held in my heart since the Fulbright days of yore. I pictured myself spending a month in Marrakech, living with the family of my father's business acquaintence, fasting for Ramadan, visiting hammams, and immersing myself in the culture. And the reality of the situation, now that I am in it? I am bored. Unfulfilled. And hungry.
Don't get me wrong, I am having a blast. I sleep in until noon every day to give myself less waking hours of fasting time, walk through the medina buying artisan jewelry, scarves, and dates; I help make traditional Moroccan cuisine with a kitchen full of women, and I read - a lot. When I can, I have been shopping for textiles for Saxie. In the evenings, we eat our "break fast" meal around 6;45, watch a movie; then go to the hammam or to a cafe to sit drinking coffee or Moroccan mint tea and smoke hookah. Then we come back around 1am in time to help prepare for our "dinner" meal at 2am. Then, to bed around 3;30, sleep until noon, and do the whole thing again. In truth, this is probably the exact bohemian Moroccan life that I had envisioned. But what I had not anticipated was feeling to devoid of purpose, so unfulfilled.
All I can think about is Saxie. Maybe it was getting picked as a finalist in Collection 1.0, but its all I can think about and all I want to do. And if I really, truly want to make it happen - to produce bikinis to be sold for the 2008 season, then I am piddling away precious time ambling around the medina buying dates. Trying to orchestrate things from another country is an obstacle I dont think I can work around. Besides the sheer craziness of the family I am living with (I will spare the details because I truly feel bad about speaking poorly to all of you about the family that has, overall, been so generous, hospitabe and kind to me), the time change, lifestyle, and communication issues are serious hindrances. I have surprised myself with the degree to which my priorities have shifted even in the mere months since I booked my flight to come here.
Which is why I have decided to come home early from Morocco. My flight departs next Monday, September 24th, 15 days after I arrived here. And I will leave with a suitcase stuffed full of fabric samples, scarves, and silver jewelry, hands and feet covered in henna, with fond memories of what has, in all honesty, been more like a Moroccan vacation than a vision quest; secretly relieved at the prospect of finally eating during daylight hours again.
Most of all, I will leave with a reinvigorated determination to make Saxie Bikinis a reality in the world.
hamdullah! thank god
Don't get me wrong, I am having a blast. I sleep in until noon every day to give myself less waking hours of fasting time, walk through the medina buying artisan jewelry, scarves, and dates; I help make traditional Moroccan cuisine with a kitchen full of women, and I read - a lot. When I can, I have been shopping for textiles for Saxie. In the evenings, we eat our "break fast" meal around 6;45, watch a movie; then go to the hammam or to a cafe to sit drinking coffee or Moroccan mint tea and smoke hookah. Then we come back around 1am in time to help prepare for our "dinner" meal at 2am. Then, to bed around 3;30, sleep until noon, and do the whole thing again. In truth, this is probably the exact bohemian Moroccan life that I had envisioned. But what I had not anticipated was feeling to devoid of purpose, so unfulfilled.
All I can think about is Saxie. Maybe it was getting picked as a finalist in Collection 1.0, but its all I can think about and all I want to do. And if I really, truly want to make it happen - to produce bikinis to be sold for the 2008 season, then I am piddling away precious time ambling around the medina buying dates. Trying to orchestrate things from another country is an obstacle I dont think I can work around. Besides the sheer craziness of the family I am living with (I will spare the details because I truly feel bad about speaking poorly to all of you about the family that has, overall, been so generous, hospitabe and kind to me), the time change, lifestyle, and communication issues are serious hindrances. I have surprised myself with the degree to which my priorities have shifted even in the mere months since I booked my flight to come here.
Which is why I have decided to come home early from Morocco. My flight departs next Monday, September 24th, 15 days after I arrived here. And I will leave with a suitcase stuffed full of fabric samples, scarves, and silver jewelry, hands and feet covered in henna, with fond memories of what has, in all honesty, been more like a Moroccan vacation than a vision quest; secretly relieved at the prospect of finally eating during daylight hours again.
Most of all, I will leave with a reinvigorated determination to make Saxie Bikinis a reality in the world.
hamdullah! thank god
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
I AM A FINALIST!!!!!
Hi everyone; I am in Morocco attempting to type on a french keyboqrd; I just looked online and saw that i was selected as a FINALIST in Collection 1.0!!!! check it out: http://www.blaec.com/collection1.0-finalists.shtml
very exciting!
very exciting!
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Monday, September 3, 2007
The Deadly Syndrome
Hey all! Nick's brother's band, The Deadly Syndrome, will be releasing their debut album, The Ortolan, on September 11th. We saw them in July when they came to Santa Barbara to play a show, and - all biases aside - they are truly incredible! The LA Times called their album "unbridled euphoria." You can listen to their music on their MySpace page.
The Deadly Syndrome: can you guess which one is Nick's brother?Sunday, September 2, 2007
Wine Tasting in Napa!
Nick and I stopped in Napa on our drive from Santa Barbara back to Seattle and visited a bunch of great wineries for tours and tastings. It was incredible! What a perfect way to end our summer in California.
Vision Quest Reading List: Phase 1
I have been doing a lot of reading thus far on "the quest," and not surprisingly, the books I have read seem to reflect a lot about my frame of mind during each phase of the quest. That being said, here are the books that I read while in Santa Barbara:
Monday, August 27, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
FInal Days in Santa Barbara
As I sit here writing this, I have only three nights left in Santa Barbara. Its strange looking back on how time has flown, but also how my purpose here has constantly evolved. The most prominent evolution has been the transition of my obsession from my "Moroccan vision quest" to Saxie bikinis. I set out with the goal of just producing a prototype to make sure my idea became a reality in the world. But what I have found is something that thrills me, excites me, forces me to tap into all of my capacities and beyond - I have been thrown into the midst of an industry I know nothing about, and I am quickly and necessarily learning to swim (or just to stay afloat).
I have been so caught up with everything that I feel like I just picked my head up a couple of days ago and realized how quickly this idyllic reality was coming to a close. I had been working so much that I never really got to see many of the touristy places that Santa Barbara is known for, and I have been trying so hard to save money that I barely dabbled in the town's specialty "wine country" cuisine. But I am happy, almost euphoric in the dizzying haze of everything going on lately - and my only goal is to finish what I started with these bikinis in the T-72 hours left here.
Let me backtrack a little bit and fill you in on everything that has happened with Saxie since I last posted. Mere hours after I posted the last entries with photos of the prototypes, I went into work at Madison's to check my schedule, and since I had the pieces on me and was so excited about them, I decided to show them to my boss. Until this point, Nick and my seamstress, Cindy, had been my only sounding posts and I was excited to get a fashionable female's opinion. Diane, my boss, was completely blown away when she saw them and offered to be my financial backer!! I felt like things were really starting to happen with this...
Then, last Wednesday, I drove 2 hours to Los Angeles to take my bikinis to a manufacturer and start production. With a bag full of fabric, a page of hand-scribbled directions, and my six prototype pieces, I navigated myself through the ghetto of South central LA to the warehouses on which the future of my bikinis relied. I was so nervous that i was almost on the verge of panic - my palms were sweaty and I felt a knot in my stomach as I pulled up at a stop light and saw a Mexican guy staring at me from the next car. And it hit me - so instantaneously and with such force that I had to laugh out loud: the vision quest has officially begun. I looked in the mirror and said to myself: "get used to this, baby, its only getting worse from here." And at that moment my reality suddenly changed, I was empowered by my own courage and reveled in the discomfort of being outside my comfort zone, rather than resisting it. So there it is, THE VISION QUEST HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN!
Long story short, my first trip to LA was a major reality check, and taught me how little I know about this industry and how much more this whole thing is going to cost than I ever anticipated (thus making my boss' offer look much more appealing). I had anticipated getting a whole range of samples made in all different colors - but no - it doesn't work like that - $500 later I had myself one set of samples, the same six pieces shown below, but this time they are officially MINE. Made from my own patterns, with fabric that I've selected, and it feels good.
So I've been waiting all week to go back and pick up the samples, and yesterday I finally did. They look great - but they are definitely samples. Things need to be tweaked with the patterns, the fabrics, etc. But at least I know that now so I know how to improve. And most importantly, they are good enough to submit to the contest.
With my impending departure, I knew I needed to tell Diane that I would be leaving. This was complicated by the facts that I held off until the last minute, giving only 1 week of notice, and even more by the fact that she had just offered to invest in my fledgling bikini collection. So I called her nervously, prepared for the worst, and her response was.... "well I completely understand... but, can I still invest in your bikinis? I really think it is a great investment opportunity completely apart from who you are to me as an employee." I was shocked and surprised.... I had originally been pretty skeptical of her offer, but she is damn serious. And things are looking damn expensive. She called me today and her message began "What's going on Saxie girl?!". Talk about a parallel universe. But I digress.....
My life lately has been insane: I spend all of my free time on bikinis, putting together line sheets, collection descriptions, and other promotional materials. On Monday and Tuesday I tried to balance this with work, waiting tables in section 2 after breaking the news of my departure to Diane. On Tuesday, I had the second best night I have ever had as a waitress, making $240 with very little effort and meeting a professional photographer who, after a conversation about "manifesting our destinies" (and a few beers) offered to shoot my bikinis at his friend's multi-million dollar mansion this Saturday.
"Lookbook photos" aka a model wearing your designs, are part of the submission packet for the contest, and I had intended to have a photography student shoot one of my pretty coworkers. But Chris the photographer was shady and unresponsive, and Erin my model just got back from Costa Rica and says she feels too fat to model bikinis.
Anyways, things took a turn for the better when Erin introduced me to her roommate, Sarah, who is beautiful and unbelievably photogenic, not to mention that she fits perfectly into the samples. Hooray!
Tomorrow I am meeting up with Tony at the mansion to scout out "shots" for the photoshoot, which will be on Saturday evening. Sarah is perfect and even said that she would prefer to do her own hair and makeup because she knows exactly how to make herself look like the perfect "beach babe." I will try to post pics from the shoot on Sunday as soon as I get them!
It also turns out that my dad's business partner's wife used to be a bikini buyer and is good friends with the Brazilian designer behind boutique line So de Mel.
We went out for a glass of wine tonight and they looked over my designs and gave me advice. Life is hard!
So things with Saxie Bikinis are picking up a lot of momentum and I feel like I am going through finals week, scrambling to put together all the loose odds and ends of my submission materials before I turn into a pumpkin (ie leave town for good) first thing on Monday morning.
My head is spinning with thoughts about the coming months - something about the end of my time in Santa Barbara signals that I am really, truly not going back to college. That this is my "real" life, whatever that means. And although it is sad, it is equally exciting, almost like an endless summer. I am torn about the Vision Quest because the whole premise of it was that I was going to travel around the world to "find myself." And here I am, frightened but totally excited by the future of Saxie bikinis. All I know is that working on them makes me so HAPPY. And I can't help but think that that IS finding yourself, in a way. But I know that if I go back on my plans to go to Morocco (cancel my flights?!) then I will always regret it and I may get so wrapped up in whatever I do instead that I never take the time to do it. So, the only thing I can do is try to do both. Don't ask me how I plan on achieving this, but all I know is that I am not canceling my flights to Morocco and I am not giving up on Saxie.
This may be my only post for the next week or so because after my whirlwind exit from SB, Nick and I are road-tripping back up to Seattle, taking a two-night stop in Napa for some quality time before I depart for Morocco on the 9th.
Woe is me! When will I even find time to pack?!
I have been so caught up with everything that I feel like I just picked my head up a couple of days ago and realized how quickly this idyllic reality was coming to a close. I had been working so much that I never really got to see many of the touristy places that Santa Barbara is known for, and I have been trying so hard to save money that I barely dabbled in the town's specialty "wine country" cuisine. But I am happy, almost euphoric in the dizzying haze of everything going on lately - and my only goal is to finish what I started with these bikinis in the T-72 hours left here.
Let me backtrack a little bit and fill you in on everything that has happened with Saxie since I last posted. Mere hours after I posted the last entries with photos of the prototypes, I went into work at Madison's to check my schedule, and since I had the pieces on me and was so excited about them, I decided to show them to my boss. Until this point, Nick and my seamstress, Cindy, had been my only sounding posts and I was excited to get a fashionable female's opinion. Diane, my boss, was completely blown away when she saw them and offered to be my financial backer!! I felt like things were really starting to happen with this...
Then, last Wednesday, I drove 2 hours to Los Angeles to take my bikinis to a manufacturer and start production. With a bag full of fabric, a page of hand-scribbled directions, and my six prototype pieces, I navigated myself through the ghetto of South central LA to the warehouses on which the future of my bikinis relied. I was so nervous that i was almost on the verge of panic - my palms were sweaty and I felt a knot in my stomach as I pulled up at a stop light and saw a Mexican guy staring at me from the next car. And it hit me - so instantaneously and with such force that I had to laugh out loud: the vision quest has officially begun. I looked in the mirror and said to myself: "get used to this, baby, its only getting worse from here." And at that moment my reality suddenly changed, I was empowered by my own courage and reveled in the discomfort of being outside my comfort zone, rather than resisting it. So there it is, THE VISION QUEST HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN!
Long story short, my first trip to LA was a major reality check, and taught me how little I know about this industry and how much more this whole thing is going to cost than I ever anticipated (thus making my boss' offer look much more appealing). I had anticipated getting a whole range of samples made in all different colors - but no - it doesn't work like that - $500 later I had myself one set of samples, the same six pieces shown below, but this time they are officially MINE. Made from my own patterns, with fabric that I've selected, and it feels good.
So I've been waiting all week to go back and pick up the samples, and yesterday I finally did. They look great - but they are definitely samples. Things need to be tweaked with the patterns, the fabrics, etc. But at least I know that now so I know how to improve. And most importantly, they are good enough to submit to the contest.
With my impending departure, I knew I needed to tell Diane that I would be leaving. This was complicated by the facts that I held off until the last minute, giving only 1 week of notice, and even more by the fact that she had just offered to invest in my fledgling bikini collection. So I called her nervously, prepared for the worst, and her response was.... "well I completely understand... but, can I still invest in your bikinis? I really think it is a great investment opportunity completely apart from who you are to me as an employee." I was shocked and surprised.... I had originally been pretty skeptical of her offer, but she is damn serious. And things are looking damn expensive. She called me today and her message began "What's going on Saxie girl?!". Talk about a parallel universe. But I digress.....
My life lately has been insane: I spend all of my free time on bikinis, putting together line sheets, collection descriptions, and other promotional materials. On Monday and Tuesday I tried to balance this with work, waiting tables in section 2 after breaking the news of my departure to Diane. On Tuesday, I had the second best night I have ever had as a waitress, making $240 with very little effort and meeting a professional photographer who, after a conversation about "manifesting our destinies" (and a few beers) offered to shoot my bikinis at his friend's multi-million dollar mansion this Saturday.
"Lookbook photos" aka a model wearing your designs, are part of the submission packet for the contest, and I had intended to have a photography student shoot one of my pretty coworkers. But Chris the photographer was shady and unresponsive, and Erin my model just got back from Costa Rica and says she feels too fat to model bikinis.
Anyways, things took a turn for the better when Erin introduced me to her roommate, Sarah, who is beautiful and unbelievably photogenic, not to mention that she fits perfectly into the samples. Hooray!
Tomorrow I am meeting up with Tony at the mansion to scout out "shots" for the photoshoot, which will be on Saturday evening. Sarah is perfect and even said that she would prefer to do her own hair and makeup because she knows exactly how to make herself look like the perfect "beach babe." I will try to post pics from the shoot on Sunday as soon as I get them!
It also turns out that my dad's business partner's wife used to be a bikini buyer and is good friends with the Brazilian designer behind boutique line So de Mel.
We went out for a glass of wine tonight and they looked over my designs and gave me advice. Life is hard!
So things with Saxie Bikinis are picking up a lot of momentum and I feel like I am going through finals week, scrambling to put together all the loose odds and ends of my submission materials before I turn into a pumpkin (ie leave town for good) first thing on Monday morning.
My head is spinning with thoughts about the coming months - something about the end of my time in Santa Barbara signals that I am really, truly not going back to college. That this is my "real" life, whatever that means. And although it is sad, it is equally exciting, almost like an endless summer. I am torn about the Vision Quest because the whole premise of it was that I was going to travel around the world to "find myself." And here I am, frightened but totally excited by the future of Saxie bikinis. All I know is that working on them makes me so HAPPY. And I can't help but think that that IS finding yourself, in a way. But I know that if I go back on my plans to go to Morocco (cancel my flights?!) then I will always regret it and I may get so wrapped up in whatever I do instead that I never take the time to do it. So, the only thing I can do is try to do both. Don't ask me how I plan on achieving this, but all I know is that I am not canceling my flights to Morocco and I am not giving up on Saxie.
This may be my only post for the next week or so because after my whirlwind exit from SB, Nick and I are road-tripping back up to Seattle, taking a two-night stop in Napa for some quality time before I depart for Morocco on the 9th.
Woe is me! When will I even find time to pack?!
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Searching for balance
It feels like everything and nothing has happened since my last post. I have been working my ass off at Madison's. Walking away from a night shift behind the bar with $220 in cash is an awesome feeling, and I am living every day with a sense of purpose to save up $5,000 before I depart for Morocco on September 9th (yes, the flight has officially been purchased!). On the flipside, though, my growing preoccupation with work has had side effects on other areas of my life. Most of all, I have found myself becoming increasingly cheap and greedy. I am so aware of how every moment of my life translates into monetary terms that I rarely even indulge on something as minor as a $4 smoothie. As you can imagine, this is also taking its toll on Nick, who has to put up with it most, on top of the fact that I am rarely ever home to spend any QT with him - our schedules are virtually opposite. Indeed, my greed was such that I even considered pushing back the date of my departure for Morocco to stay in SB and earn more money. When each night carries a price tag of $200+, its hard to convince yourself to do anything but work.
Last night, after not working out for almost a week (too cheap to pay for a gym membership), I went to a somewhat difficult yoga class. I surprised myself with my flexibility, but was reminded of a problem that has always plagued me - I have very bad balance. And I wondered if it wasn't a metaphor for my life as a whole. I am very happy; so blessed and lucky in life as much as I like to complain. But I always let the problem/situation/topic at hand dominate my perspective and keep me from being properly attentive to the other aspects of my life.
Working at Madison's every day has kept my attention fixed on making as much money as possible to get me going on my journey. But to allow that focus to let me forsake everything else in my life is surely not the proper M.O. for happiness.
I have often asked myself what it is that I am seeking, what it is that I hope to find on my Vision Quest. And I think that all of this experience has showed me that certainly, at the top of that list, my Vision Quest should be an attempt to figure out how to find balance - and to actively live that balance every day.
Last night, after not working out for almost a week (too cheap to pay for a gym membership), I went to a somewhat difficult yoga class. I surprised myself with my flexibility, but was reminded of a problem that has always plagued me - I have very bad balance. And I wondered if it wasn't a metaphor for my life as a whole. I am very happy; so blessed and lucky in life as much as I like to complain. But I always let the problem/situation/topic at hand dominate my perspective and keep me from being properly attentive to the other aspects of my life.
Working at Madison's every day has kept my attention fixed on making as much money as possible to get me going on my journey. But to allow that focus to let me forsake everything else in my life is surely not the proper M.O. for happiness.
I have often asked myself what it is that I am seeking, what it is that I hope to find on my Vision Quest. And I think that all of this experience has showed me that certainly, at the top of that list, my Vision Quest should be an attempt to figure out how to find balance - and to actively live that balance every day.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Money in the Bank
It's been a while since I last posted, and for good reason... I have been working 6 days a week, and 7 days of the coming week. After two weeks of training - two weeks of running around like a chicken with my head cut off, cutting limes and lemons until my fingers stung, and riding my bike home with an oversized helmet falling over my eyes as I cried, frustrated, at making $42 in tips after 8 hours of manual labor, things are finally starting to pay off... literally.
Last week was my first week as a real employee, sans training, and I was both excited and nervous to be scheduled not only as a bartender on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday (aka the three busiest) nights, but also as a lead server. I spent all day Thursday preparing for my first big night behind the bar by doing what I do best - camping out at Starbucks studying flashcards. Flashcards of different drink recipes, prices, happy hour specials. I guess I will always be a student at heart.
Thursday night, things went incredibly well. I really held my own, and I know my superiors noticed. The hours of 9-2 were a blackout adrenaline rush, filled with excitement of making drinks as fast as I could, stuffing money into my tip jar, dancing around, and just having an all around awesome time. It was clear to me that the night shift is clearly the way to go.
Last week I was 4th bartender on (ie the last one on, comes on at 9, because from 5-9 they dont need as many bartenders). This week, I am 3rd on, which means I have ascended the ranks already, in addition to being given some of the best money-making serving shifts.
I just finished counting all my money in anticipation for my weekly trip to the bank and am thrilled to report that my savings account will now be $1320 larger than last week.
All of this money makes me all the more excited for the things it will enable me to do on my Vision Quest. I am getting close to booking my flight in Morocco, and I am starting to itch for the exotic adventures to come.
Last week was my first week as a real employee, sans training, and I was both excited and nervous to be scheduled not only as a bartender on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday (aka the three busiest) nights, but also as a lead server. I spent all day Thursday preparing for my first big night behind the bar by doing what I do best - camping out at Starbucks studying flashcards. Flashcards of different drink recipes, prices, happy hour specials. I guess I will always be a student at heart.
Thursday night, things went incredibly well. I really held my own, and I know my superiors noticed. The hours of 9-2 were a blackout adrenaline rush, filled with excitement of making drinks as fast as I could, stuffing money into my tip jar, dancing around, and just having an all around awesome time. It was clear to me that the night shift is clearly the way to go.
Last week I was 4th bartender on (ie the last one on, comes on at 9, because from 5-9 they dont need as many bartenders). This week, I am 3rd on, which means I have ascended the ranks already, in addition to being given some of the best money-making serving shifts.
I just finished counting all my money in anticipation for my weekly trip to the bank and am thrilled to report that my savings account will now be $1320 larger than last week.
All of this money makes me all the more excited for the things it will enable me to do on my Vision Quest. I am getting close to booking my flight in Morocco, and I am starting to itch for the exotic adventures to come.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Work, Work, Work
First things first - I got a bartending job!!! 2 of them, to be exact. The first is at the Montecito Country Club. The second is at a popular spot called Madison's Grill & Tavern right in the heart of downtown Santa Barbara. As you can imagine, I was very excited.
I first started training the week before last at MCC. It is very upscale but overall pretty slow, with the exception of the special events banquets from time to time. I really liked the members and my coworkers. One, a 50 year-old named Roberto, spends hours sharing pearls of wisdom from his life and admittedly has a soft spot for tequila. The other, a girl named London in her mid-twenties, is an unbelievable singer comparable to Janis Joplin but smoother. Nick and I went to hear her sing on the 4th and we were absolutely blown away.
My training at Madison's started last Monday. They pride themselves on being a "cross-trained" staff, meaning that I had to learn how to be a food runner and a waitress. Madison's isn't upscale by any means, but it is nearly always PACKED with people. All drinks are made in schooners with twice the alcohol, there are peanut shells all over the floor, people dancing, eating, and watching sports - never a dull moment. Everyone tells me I stand to make a TON of money there, especially on weekends, when the place goes off as a nightclub. Unfortunately, this past week was not quite that glamorous. Having never waitressed before, it was quite a challenge to be thrown in the mix and to have to learn on the fly how to somehow keep my head above water. I waitressed Mon - Thurs (yes - 4th of July included), for at least 8 hours each day. It was grueling and incredibly exhausting - on top of the fact that as a trainee I wasn't making any tips - but with each passing day I became more accustomed to the work and the hours. The past two days I have spent 6 hours each evening running food out to the tables, which was a nice break from serving, and gave me a chance to get to know my coworkers better.
One man told me that he calls Madison's "Coyote Ugly" because it is known for only hiring pretty girls. The staff is about 80% girls. The people are cool and really nice, but because of the fast-paced environment, everyone seems to be scrambling to hold up their share of work instead of socializing with one another.
Today is my second day off in about 12 days - I am recuperating and preparing myself for another crazy run beginning tomorrow. I have been incredibly antsy to get behind the bar and am looking forward to starting my bar training at Madison's this week. It will probably be at least another week until I get scheduled for any legitimate bar shifts, but I understand that I have to prove myself. In the meantime, I am working about one shift a week at MCC, which is pretty much all I can handle on top of the workload at Madison's.
Work aside, Nick and I have been having some great times. We just celebrated our 2-year anniversary last week with a picnic at the beach and a seafood dinner on the Santa Barbara wharf. I had to work until 4:30 on the 4th, but after I got off, Nick and I went to a great house party given by the two main chefs at one of Santa Barbara's most famous restaurants, Bouchon. There was abalone and venison on the grill, gourmet dips and salads, the works. Afterwards, we rolled ourselves down to the beach to see the fireworks, following the sun to find the water and coming out to find that we were amidst hundreds of Mexican families ready for the show. The fireworks were amazing - I was really impressed that a town as small as Santa Barbara could put on such a show.
That's all for now...
I first started training the week before last at MCC. It is very upscale but overall pretty slow, with the exception of the special events banquets from time to time. I really liked the members and my coworkers. One, a 50 year-old named Roberto, spends hours sharing pearls of wisdom from his life and admittedly has a soft spot for tequila. The other, a girl named London in her mid-twenties, is an unbelievable singer comparable to Janis Joplin but smoother. Nick and I went to hear her sing on the 4th and we were absolutely blown away.
My training at Madison's started last Monday. They pride themselves on being a "cross-trained" staff, meaning that I had to learn how to be a food runner and a waitress. Madison's isn't upscale by any means, but it is nearly always PACKED with people. All drinks are made in schooners with twice the alcohol, there are peanut shells all over the floor, people dancing, eating, and watching sports - never a dull moment. Everyone tells me I stand to make a TON of money there, especially on weekends, when the place goes off as a nightclub. Unfortunately, this past week was not quite that glamorous. Having never waitressed before, it was quite a challenge to be thrown in the mix and to have to learn on the fly how to somehow keep my head above water. I waitressed Mon - Thurs (yes - 4th of July included), for at least 8 hours each day. It was grueling and incredibly exhausting - on top of the fact that as a trainee I wasn't making any tips - but with each passing day I became more accustomed to the work and the hours. The past two days I have spent 6 hours each evening running food out to the tables, which was a nice break from serving, and gave me a chance to get to know my coworkers better.
One man told me that he calls Madison's "Coyote Ugly" because it is known for only hiring pretty girls. The staff is about 80% girls. The people are cool and really nice, but because of the fast-paced environment, everyone seems to be scrambling to hold up their share of work instead of socializing with one another.
Today is my second day off in about 12 days - I am recuperating and preparing myself for another crazy run beginning tomorrow. I have been incredibly antsy to get behind the bar and am looking forward to starting my bar training at Madison's this week. It will probably be at least another week until I get scheduled for any legitimate bar shifts, but I understand that I have to prove myself. In the meantime, I am working about one shift a week at MCC, which is pretty much all I can handle on top of the workload at Madison's.
Work aside, Nick and I have been having some great times. We just celebrated our 2-year anniversary last week with a picnic at the beach and a seafood dinner on the Santa Barbara wharf. I had to work until 4:30 on the 4th, but after I got off, Nick and I went to a great house party given by the two main chefs at one of Santa Barbara's most famous restaurants, Bouchon. There was abalone and venison on the grill, gourmet dips and salads, the works. Afterwards, we rolled ourselves down to the beach to see the fireworks, following the sun to find the water and coming out to find that we were amidst hundreds of Mexican families ready for the show. The fireworks were amazing - I was really impressed that a town as small as Santa Barbara could put on such a show.
That's all for now...
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Solstice Recap, Coincidence, and Other Ruminations
Saturday's Summer Solstice parade was a total riot and shed an entirely new light on what Santa Barbara's all about. The hippies came out of the hills, quite literally, donning their most creative interpretations of this year's theme, "stars." There was Whirlin Merlin, Mr. & Mrs. Big Head, Capoiera dance-fighters (see photos), and an overdose of glitter, hula hoops, stilts, and roller skates. One man, dressed in a wizard costume in stilts, stopped in front of us and, upon realizing that he was being watched by everyone, proceeded to make up a bizarre song "we are so luuuuckkkyyyyy, we are so blesssseeeedddddd." Nick and I were reeling with laughter.
The parade ended at local Alameda park where all the parade-goers and the kooky folks of the parade themselves gathered for an afternoon of celebrating summer. The top picture of the last post is of Nick and I enjoying some hippie tunes in the beer garden. Other highlights included: the world's best guacamole, organic peppermint and eucalyptus soap, "synergy jewelry," and an all-out hula hooping party that lasted the full 4 hours we were there. We had a blast and loved the total eccentricity of the Santa Barbara scene, but we couldn't help thinking it would be better if we had some friends... We contemplated how a couple can go out and try to "pick up" friends at a bar but concluded that all options were excessively awkward.
Later that evening, as I sat on the deck reading Deepak Chopras new-age cult favorite, "The Book of Secrets," I overheard some chatter on our neighbor's deck next door. This caught my attention for two reasons: first, they were speaking English; second, they sounded fairly young. After peering through the bushes, I determined that they in fact were probably only a couple years older than Nick and I. I proceeded to call out a greeting to them and blindly introduce myself. Nick and I went over for a beer and got friendly. Turns out the two had moved in only two days before us, a young married couple ages 27 and 29, who went to UC Boulder. Andrew grew up in Santa Barbara and the two had lived here for a couple of years before moving to San Fran, and they just moved back. They are incredibly nice and so knowledgeable about the town. I secretly cant wait to go on double dates with them.
While I was talking to Valerie out on her deck, I glanced inside where a box sat open on a table with some yet-to-be-unpacked belongings strewn around it. Lo-and-behold, I see that Valerie has the EXACT SAME TOWEL as me! What are the odds? My recent new-age reading has told me that all coincidences are signs of some deeper meaning. Then, later that night, as I was making dinner, listening to a good song called "Jerusalem," by Matisyahu, I turn over the bowl in my hand and lo-and-behold - it says JERUSALEM on it in capital letters. Two coincidences in one night... I decided that this means that Valerie and I will become very good friends (option b: I need to buy new towels), and I need to go to Jerusalem.
Having determined that there was major energy in the air, I put on another tight tank top and hit the Santa Barbara bars in the hopes that a bar owner would see me and miraculously offer me a job. That part was unsuccessful.
In other news, it turns out that in addition to all of the booze and food Lisa left behind for us, she also left an estimated $500 in brand new gourmet cooking supplies. This included a top-of-the-line Cuisinart food processor, 12-piece non-stick cookware set, and a gourmet pasta making set. In that spirit, Nick and I have been cooking up a storm - most recently seared ahi tuna pizzas with wasabi mayo, and chicken curry w/ cashews from scratch.
Other funny observations and experiences include:
- Tuesday afternoon farmer's market: organic fruits, veggies, flowers, and wheatgrass shots galore
- Hybrid Taxis
- My hippie yoga teacher wearing a Cartier watch
- Neighborhood skunk aka "Pepe"
More to come...
The parade ended at local Alameda park where all the parade-goers and the kooky folks of the parade themselves gathered for an afternoon of celebrating summer. The top picture of the last post is of Nick and I enjoying some hippie tunes in the beer garden. Other highlights included: the world's best guacamole, organic peppermint and eucalyptus soap, "synergy jewelry," and an all-out hula hooping party that lasted the full 4 hours we were there. We had a blast and loved the total eccentricity of the Santa Barbara scene, but we couldn't help thinking it would be better if we had some friends... We contemplated how a couple can go out and try to "pick up" friends at a bar but concluded that all options were excessively awkward.
Later that evening, as I sat on the deck reading Deepak Chopras new-age cult favorite, "The Book of Secrets," I overheard some chatter on our neighbor's deck next door. This caught my attention for two reasons: first, they were speaking English; second, they sounded fairly young. After peering through the bushes, I determined that they in fact were probably only a couple years older than Nick and I. I proceeded to call out a greeting to them and blindly introduce myself. Nick and I went over for a beer and got friendly. Turns out the two had moved in only two days before us, a young married couple ages 27 and 29, who went to UC Boulder. Andrew grew up in Santa Barbara and the two had lived here for a couple of years before moving to San Fran, and they just moved back. They are incredibly nice and so knowledgeable about the town. I secretly cant wait to go on double dates with them.
While I was talking to Valerie out on her deck, I glanced inside where a box sat open on a table with some yet-to-be-unpacked belongings strewn around it. Lo-and-behold, I see that Valerie has the EXACT SAME TOWEL as me! What are the odds? My recent new-age reading has told me that all coincidences are signs of some deeper meaning. Then, later that night, as I was making dinner, listening to a good song called "Jerusalem," by Matisyahu, I turn over the bowl in my hand and lo-and-behold - it says JERUSALEM on it in capital letters. Two coincidences in one night... I decided that this means that Valerie and I will become very good friends (option b: I need to buy new towels), and I need to go to Jerusalem.
Having determined that there was major energy in the air, I put on another tight tank top and hit the Santa Barbara bars in the hopes that a bar owner would see me and miraculously offer me a job. That part was unsuccessful.
In other news, it turns out that in addition to all of the booze and food Lisa left behind for us, she also left an estimated $500 in brand new gourmet cooking supplies. This included a top-of-the-line Cuisinart food processor, 12-piece non-stick cookware set, and a gourmet pasta making set. In that spirit, Nick and I have been cooking up a storm - most recently seared ahi tuna pizzas with wasabi mayo, and chicken curry w/ cashews from scratch.
Other funny observations and experiences include:
- Tuesday afternoon farmer's market: organic fruits, veggies, flowers, and wheatgrass shots galore
- Hybrid Taxis
- My hippie yoga teacher wearing a Cartier watch
- Neighborhood skunk aka "Pepe"
More to come...
Friday, June 22, 2007
Santa Barbara
So I'm sitting on a lounge chair on my deck in Santa Barbara and I have to say.... life is good. Incredible, really. Nick and I departed from Seattle on Monday morning, made it as far as Eureka, CA on our first day of driving. Word to the wise: don't go there. We drove through the Redwood forest which was huge and powerful and completly indescribable, which made it worth the crazy meth-heads mumbling to themselves in the shadow of my car parked in the garage. Day 2 took us down another beautiful stretch of North California Rt.101 and into San Fran, where we spent the afternoon with Nick's good friend Eddie. Finally, at 6:30pm on day 3, after braving the coastal route 1 until we were blue in the face with carsickness, we made it to Santa Barbara. Incredible.
The owner of our house is a Law & Society professor at UCSB who decided to pick up and move to LA to help her boyfriend produce a low budget film while school was out for the summer. She cleaned the house but pretty much left us everything - including a fully stocked fridge and liquor cabinet and some ambien in her bedside drawer. Nice.
The house is in a residential neighborhood just west of downtown - known to most as a Mexican area. But I like Mexicans and the place is safe and quiet, not to mention being a 10 minute walk from the heart of downtown. It is so peaceful here, and the house is sick - for lack of a better word. We could not have asked for a better place. On a similar note, we have a guest house and enough couches to sleep at least 3 more people here comfortably, not counting nick and myself.
Santa Barbara is chill as can be and yesterday I saw a real live shaman walking around the organic supermarket barefoot with his flowing white robes and waist length silver beard. I love that shit.
The beach is incredibly beautiful, palm trees line our street, birds are chirping in the trees, and I am in love. Talk about paradise.
After giving myself a day to unpack and take it all in, today I put on a tight tank top and heels and braved the streets of downtown SB in search of a bartending job. Many of the places were closed, and of those I visited it was generally hit or miss. But mostly hit - so things are looking up.
Even better - it turns out this weekend is the "Summer Solstice Festival" here, the biggest party of the year. Tonight Nick and I are headed to a park for some live bands and drinking at a beer garden. Tomorrow, starting at noon, a ridiculous "bohemian" parade marches down State St (the main drag), and all of Santa Barbara comes out to see it. All the bars have crazy parties going on all day. I am like soooooo bohemian, LOL!
So I will hold out on specifics of which bars are looking promising because a) I dont want to jinx anything, and b) you dont care, but I will be writing shortly hopefully with news of a great new job and definitely with all the pics of the Santa Barbara leg of the vision quest thus far.
Will somebody please comment or send me a freakin email so I know there is at least one person reading this damn thing?!
The owner of our house is a Law & Society professor at UCSB who decided to pick up and move to LA to help her boyfriend produce a low budget film while school was out for the summer. She cleaned the house but pretty much left us everything - including a fully stocked fridge and liquor cabinet and some ambien in her bedside drawer. Nice.
The house is in a residential neighborhood just west of downtown - known to most as a Mexican area. But I like Mexicans and the place is safe and quiet, not to mention being a 10 minute walk from the heart of downtown. It is so peaceful here, and the house is sick - for lack of a better word. We could not have asked for a better place. On a similar note, we have a guest house and enough couches to sleep at least 3 more people here comfortably, not counting nick and myself.
Santa Barbara is chill as can be and yesterday I saw a real live shaman walking around the organic supermarket barefoot with his flowing white robes and waist length silver beard. I love that shit.
The beach is incredibly beautiful, palm trees line our street, birds are chirping in the trees, and I am in love. Talk about paradise.
After giving myself a day to unpack and take it all in, today I put on a tight tank top and heels and braved the streets of downtown SB in search of a bartending job. Many of the places were closed, and of those I visited it was generally hit or miss. But mostly hit - so things are looking up.
Even better - it turns out this weekend is the "Summer Solstice Festival" here, the biggest party of the year. Tonight Nick and I are headed to a park for some live bands and drinking at a beer garden. Tomorrow, starting at noon, a ridiculous "bohemian" parade marches down State St (the main drag), and all of Santa Barbara comes out to see it. All the bars have crazy parties going on all day. I am like soooooo bohemian, LOL!
So I will hold out on specifics of which bars are looking promising because a) I dont want to jinx anything, and b) you dont care, but I will be writing shortly hopefully with news of a great new job and definitely with all the pics of the Santa Barbara leg of the vision quest thus far.
Will somebody please comment or send me a freakin email so I know there is at least one person reading this damn thing?!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Santa Barbara Digs
Nick and I will be living here from June 21 through the end of August. Come visit us!
Friday, June 1, 2007
"To Travel is to Posess the World"
"These words are, I think, true words. I know that through travel I have possessed the world more completely, more satisfyingly than if I had acquired the whole earth by purchase or by conquest. There is no implication of selfishness in the kind of possession of which I speak. Whoever posesses the world through travel takes naught from any man. No one is poorer because you have made the world yours.
You have gained everything, but you are no monopolist. The wealth is there for all to share. It is not yours alone. You may invite all men and women to travel with you in imagination and they too may feel that they, like you, are rich in vivid mental pictures of places worth going to, of people worth knowing, of things that are world-famous.... Now I am at work with nothing but a sheet of paper and a pen to help me re-create the atmosphere of "otherwhere," to help me make real to those who have not seen, the things which I have seen and can still see with my mind's eye.
Word pictures are hard to paint. We are told that "words are the only thing that last forever." Therefore words should be the most durable pigments with which to paint pictures of the things that have seemed worthwhile, the things that have become one's property, in the sense in which travel endows one with a title deed to the entire world.
One great advantage of possessing the world through travel is that one may enjoy all the satisfactions of possession without the responsibilities of ownership. Now, in days when our most valuable assets become or threaten to become our most crushing liabilities, it is good to contemplate property which cannot depreciate but must increase in value, property which cannot be taxed by federal goverment, or state or city authorities, property which calls for no repairs or alterations.
Everything from real estate to diamond tiaras has had its vaunted worth reduced to pitiful and sometimes complete inconsequence. Stocks, bonds, and all manner of gilt-edged, beautifully engraved certificates of value, to secure which we have slaved and saved and denied ourselves the joys of travel, may sink in worth to such a point that it will seem absurd to pay the rental charges of a safe deposit box.
The only things I own which are still worth what they have cost me are my travel memories, the mind-pictures of places which I have been hoarding like a happy miser for more than a half century.
In the past I have reproached myself for my extravagance, for my lack of foresight, for my disregard of proper provision for the future. My wise friends saved and economized, went without things they wanted, denied themselves the costlier pleasures of the table, the bouquet of vintage wines, and the, to me, supreme joy of going places and seeing things.
And now, where are we? We, they, and I are all at the same dead-end of life's highway. They are weighted down by all the leaden burdens of their golden hopes gone wrong. They have their memories but these are memories of wise, dull, and frugal days of piling up hard-earned dollars in safe places where those dollars would increase and multiply and be there to console for all the pleasures that their owners had denied themselves and all the fun they had missed.
I, too, have nothing but my memories but I would not exchange my memories for theirs. I have a secret treasure upon which I can draw at will. I can bring forth, on the darkest day, bright diamonds of remembered joys, diamonds whose many facets reflect some happy dream come true, a small ambition gratified, a long-sought sensation, caught and savored to the full, a little journey made, an expedition carried to success, several circumnavigations of the globe accomplished.
Yes, it has been a good life. And it is good to rest, with nearly all of one's dreams realized. Dreams of going, seeing and doing most of the things that seemed worthwhile -- good to know that I have, in my own way, possessed the world."
-Burton Holmes, Renowned Photographer and World Traveler, 1953
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Introduction to the Quest
Graduating from college has been one of the most intense experiences of my life. Of course, it is a happy occasion - marking all of the hard work and achievement of the past four years. But it is also sad to leave behind the antics and the friendships that comprised such an exciting era. Reflecting back on my life thus far and the experiences that have made me who I am today brings up both positive and negative emotions - but most of all it forces me to think more deeply about what it implies for my future. I have always identified myself virtually exclusively as a student - and why wouldn't I? - at age 22 I have been in some form of educational institution for the past 20 years of my life. Really - my mom put me into preschool when I was two years old.
Especially in the final months of senior year, I became more and more aware of how I had let the comfort of structure and routine lull me into auto-pilot. I was doing things without any deeper consideration of why I was doing them. I was completely uninspired by my classes, jaded about all of the privileges I once appreciated every day. I felt like I had lost touch with myself and with the things that truly thrilled and inspired me. I realized I had been living and evaluating my life on other people's terms, rather than my own. Somewhere along the way, I lost touch with my most valuable guide - my own intuition.
This time, my intuition was speaking up louder than ever. As everyone else's job search was in full swing, I just couldn't bring myself to fill out an application. I am confident that I could get as good a job as any - but just because I could doesn't necessarily mean I should. Especially after the past 8 years: 4 at an intensely competitive private college-prep high school (Lakeside), and 4 more at a similarly competitive Ivy League university (Penn), I don't know if I could feel more burnt out. Why would I spend any more time competing for a "prize" that I don't even want?
What is clear, then, is that I need to do a whole lot of soul-searching to figure out exactly what it is I want to do with my life so that I will be able to ultimately pursue a course that leaves me happy and truly fulfilled. As of right now, I'm not sure exactly what the soul-searching will entail, or where it will take me. And the truth is, not getting a job is a lot scarier than you would think. But this fear of confronting the great unknown is the very reason I know I need to take my so-called "Vision Quest."
In the year to come, I want to work, live, and travel doing things I would never otherwise do, seeing things I would never otherwise see. I want to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to experience the world to the fullest. As of right now, (in tentative chronological order), this includes Morocco, Turkey, India, Southeast Asia, and possibly South Africa.
Stay tuned to see how my "experiment in human intuition" plays out...
Especially in the final months of senior year, I became more and more aware of how I had let the comfort of structure and routine lull me into auto-pilot. I was doing things without any deeper consideration of why I was doing them. I was completely uninspired by my classes, jaded about all of the privileges I once appreciated every day. I felt like I had lost touch with myself and with the things that truly thrilled and inspired me. I realized I had been living and evaluating my life on other people's terms, rather than my own. Somewhere along the way, I lost touch with my most valuable guide - my own intuition.
This time, my intuition was speaking up louder than ever. As everyone else's job search was in full swing, I just couldn't bring myself to fill out an application. I am confident that I could get as good a job as any - but just because I could doesn't necessarily mean I should. Especially after the past 8 years: 4 at an intensely competitive private college-prep high school (Lakeside), and 4 more at a similarly competitive Ivy League university (Penn), I don't know if I could feel more burnt out. Why would I spend any more time competing for a "prize" that I don't even want?
What is clear, then, is that I need to do a whole lot of soul-searching to figure out exactly what it is I want to do with my life so that I will be able to ultimately pursue a course that leaves me happy and truly fulfilled. As of right now, I'm not sure exactly what the soul-searching will entail, or where it will take me. And the truth is, not getting a job is a lot scarier than you would think. But this fear of confronting the great unknown is the very reason I know I need to take my so-called "Vision Quest."
In the year to come, I want to work, live, and travel doing things I would never otherwise do, seeing things I would never otherwise see. I want to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to experience the world to the fullest. As of right now, (in tentative chronological order), this includes Morocco, Turkey, India, Southeast Asia, and possibly South Africa.
Stay tuned to see how my "experiment in human intuition" plays out...
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