FInal Days in Santa Barbara

As I sit here writing this, I have only three nights left in Santa Barbara. Its strange looking back on how time has flown, but also how my purpose here has constantly evolved. The most prominent evolution has been the transition of my obsession from my "Moroccan vision quest" to Saxie bikinis. I set out with the goal of just producing a prototype to make sure my idea became a reality in the world. But what I have found is something that thrills me, excites me, forces me to tap into all of my capacities and beyond - I have been thrown into the midst of an industry I know nothing about, and I am quickly and necessarily learning to swim (or just to stay afloat).
I have been so caught up with everything that I feel like I just picked my head up a couple of days ago and realized how quickly this idyllic reality was coming to a close. I had been working so much that I never really got to see many of the touristy places that Santa Barbara is known for, and I have been trying so hard to save money that I barely dabbled in the town's specialty "wine country" cuisine. But I am happy, almost euphoric in the dizzying haze of everything going on lately - and my only goal is to finish what I started with these bikinis in the T-72 hours left here.
Let me backtrack a little bit and fill you in on everything that has happened with Saxie since I last posted. Mere hours after I posted the last entries with photos of the prototypes, I went into work at Madison's to check my schedule, and since I had the pieces on me and was so excited about them, I decided to show them to my boss. Until this point, Nick and my seamstress, Cindy, had been my only sounding posts and I was excited to get a fashionable female's opinion. Diane, my boss, was completely blown away when she saw them and offered to be my financial backer!! I felt like things were really starting to happen with this...

Then, last Wednesday, I drove 2 hours to Los Angeles to take my bikinis to a manufacturer and start production. With a bag full of fabric, a page of hand-scribbled directions, and my six prototype pieces, I navigated myself through the ghetto of South central LA to the warehouses on which the future of my bikinis relied. I was so nervous that i was almost on the verge of panic - my palms were sweaty and I felt a knot in my stomach as I pulled up at a stop light and saw a Mexican guy staring at me from the next car. And it hit me - so instantaneously and with such force that I had to laugh out loud: the vision quest has officially begun. I looked in the mirror and said to myself: "get used to this, baby, its only getting worse from here." And at that moment my reality suddenly changed, I was empowered by my own courage and reveled in the discomfort of being outside my comfort zone, rather than resisting it. So there it is, THE VISION QUEST HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN!
Long story short, my first trip to LA was a major reality check, and taught me how little I know about this industry and how much more this whole thing is going to cost than I ever anticipated (thus making my boss' offer look much more appealing). I had anticipated getting a whole range of samples made in all different colors - but no - it doesn't work like that - $500 later I had myself one set of samples, the same six pieces shown below, but this time they are officially MINE. Made from my own patterns, with fabric that I've selected, and it feels good.

So I've been waiting all week to go back and pick up the samples, and yesterday I finally did. They look great - but they are definitely samples. Things need to be tweaked with the patterns, the fabrics, etc. But at least I know that now so I know how to improve. And most importantly, they are good enough to submit to the contest.

With my impending departure, I knew I needed to tell Diane that I would be leaving. This was complicated by the facts that I held off until the last minute, giving only 1 week of notice, and even more by the fact that she had just offered to invest in my fledgling bikini collection. So I called her nervously, prepared for the worst, and her response was.... "well I completely understand... but, can I still invest in your bikinis? I really think it is a great investment opportunity completely apart from who you are to me as an employee." I was shocked and surprised.... I had originally been pretty skeptical of her offer, but she is damn serious. And things are looking damn expensive. She called me today and her message began "What's going on Saxie girl?!". Talk about a parallel universe. But I digress.....

My life lately has been insane: I spend all of my free time on bikinis, putting together line sheets, collection descriptions, and other promotional materials. On Monday and Tuesday I tried to balance this with work, waiting tables in section 2 after breaking the news of my departure to Diane. On Tuesday, I had the second best night I have ever had as a waitress, making $240 with very little effort and meeting a professional photographer who, after a conversation about "manifesting our destinies" (and a few beers) offered to shoot my bikinis at his friend's multi-million dollar mansion this Saturday.

"Lookbook photos" aka a model wearing your designs, are part of the submission packet for the contest, and I had intended to have a photography student shoot one of my pretty coworkers. But Chris the photographer was shady and unresponsive, and Erin my model just got back from Costa Rica and says she feels too fat to model bikinis.

Anyways, things took a turn for the better when Erin introduced me to her roommate, Sarah, who is beautiful and unbelievably photogenic, not to mention that she fits perfectly into the samples. Hooray!

Tomorrow I am meeting up with Tony at the mansion to scout out "shots" for the photoshoot, which will be on Saturday evening. Sarah is perfect and even said that she would prefer to do her own hair and makeup because she knows exactly how to make herself look like the perfect "beach babe." I will try to post pics from the shoot on Sunday as soon as I get them!

It also turns out that my dad's business partner's wife used to be a bikini buyer and is good friends with the Brazilian designer behind boutique line So de Mel.
We went out for a glass of wine tonight and they looked over my designs and gave me advice. Life is hard!

So things with Saxie Bikinis are picking up a lot of momentum and I feel like I am going through finals week, scrambling to put together all the loose odds and ends of my submission materials before I turn into a pumpkin (ie leave town for good) first thing on Monday morning.

My head is spinning with thoughts about the coming months - something about the end of my time in Santa Barbara signals that I am really, truly not going back to college. That this is my "real" life, whatever that means. And although it is sad, it is equally exciting, almost like an endless summer. I am torn about the Vision Quest because the whole premise of it was that I was going to travel around the world to "find myself." And here I am, frightened but totally excited by the future of Saxie bikinis. All I know is that working on them makes me so HAPPY. And I can't help but think that that IS finding yourself, in a way. But I know that if I go back on my plans to go to Morocco (cancel my flights?!) then I will always regret it and I may get so wrapped up in whatever I do instead that I never take the time to do it. So, the only thing I can do is try to do both. Don't ask me how I plan on achieving this, but all I know is that I am not canceling my flights to Morocco and I am not giving up on Saxie.

This may be my only post for the next week or so because after my whirlwind exit from SB, Nick and I are road-tripping back up to Seattle, taking a two-night stop in Napa for some quality time before I depart for Morocco on the 9th.

Woe is me! When will I even find time to pack?!