Update from Morocco

As I sit here writing this on the morning of my 9th day in Morocco, things have already turned out differently than expected. Great, but different. I'm not totally sure what I was looking for when I originally set out to come here, besides the desire to realize a dream I had held in my heart since the Fulbright days of yore. I pictured myself spending a month in Marrakech, living with the family of my father's business acquaintence, fasting for Ramadan, visiting hammams, and immersing myself in the culture. And the reality of the situation, now that I am in it? I am bored. Unfulfilled. And hungry.

Don't get me wrong, I am having a blast. I sleep in until noon every day to give myself less waking hours of fasting time, walk through the medina buying artisan jewelry, scarves, and dates; I help make traditional Moroccan cuisine with a kitchen full of women, and I read - a lot. When I can, I have been shopping for textiles for Saxie. In the evenings, we eat our "break fast" meal around 6;45, watch a movie; then go to the hammam or to a cafe to sit drinking coffee or Moroccan mint tea and smoke hookah. Then we come back around 1am in time to help prepare for our "dinner" meal at 2am. Then, to bed around 3;30, sleep until noon, and do the whole thing again. In truth, this is probably the exact bohemian Moroccan life that I had envisioned. But what I had not anticipated was feeling to devoid of purpose, so unfulfilled.

All I can think about is Saxie. Maybe it was getting picked as a finalist in Collection 1.0, but its all I can think about and all I want to do. And if I really, truly want to make it happen - to produce bikinis to be sold for the 2008 season, then I am piddling away precious time ambling around the medina buying dates. Trying to orchestrate things from another country is an obstacle I dont think I can work around. Besides the sheer craziness of the family I am living with (I will spare the details because I truly feel bad about speaking poorly to all of you about the family that has, overall, been so generous, hospitabe and kind to me), the time change, lifestyle, and communication issues are serious hindrances. I have surprised myself with the degree to which my priorities have shifted even in the mere months since I booked my flight to come here.

Which is why I have decided to come home early from Morocco. My flight departs next Monday, September 24th, 15 days after I arrived here. And I will leave with a suitcase stuffed full of fabric samples, scarves, and silver jewelry, hands and feet covered in henna, with fond memories of what has, in all honesty, been more like a Moroccan vacation than a vision quest; secretly relieved at the prospect of finally eating during daylight hours again.

Most of all, I will leave with a reinvigorated determination to make Saxie Bikinis a reality in the world.

hamdullah! thank god